Am I starting to sound like CinemaSins? Hit up my boy Travis Mcentee.
1. The Yoda Scene
Oh good god why?! Like, this scene was totally unnecessary. The Last Jedi started off so well, but then Star Wars just had to shoehorn in an old character to appeal to the fans. I kind of wish they spent that time doing at least an ounce of backstory for Snoke. And they somehow made Yoda even more ugly to look at – whether that was animatronics or CGI, that was plain ungodly unnatural. They could have just let Luke set the tree on fire all by himself, but no. They just had to bring in his ugly crinkly ass face. Oh well.
2. Hyperspace Laser
That. Was. Sick. Goddammit Holdo, you made me finally like you, after dropping like 20 billion cheesy motivational one liners. The montage afterwards of the attack was incredible – I think the entire theater just sat there stunned by what we just saw.
Although, this does kind of beg the question – why didn’t the other Resistance ships do the same exact thing when they were about to go down? Or, at that rate, why doesn’t everybody do that when they’re about to lose? Why couldn’t they have done that to the Death Star? That would have been a pretty serious dent.
As I said like 3 paragraphs ago: Oh good god why? They had an amazing Rey and Finn dynamic going on in The Force Awakens, and they just had to do some stupid “villain falls in love with hero” story. Finn and Rey is a very wholesome relationship, and I really wish they’d stick with that dynamic. Finn and Rose is also very forced, so all I’m gonna say is that Ben and Rey better turn out to be cousins or something (and this isn’t Game of Thrones so nothing funky is gonna happen).
4. The Casino Planet
PODRACING! Just kidding. This part felt like a Disney movie with all the horses and kids, which it is, so yeah. I’m very indifferent to these scenes, which probably means it shouldn’t be in the film. I guess it was kind of fascinating finding out by other parts of the Star Wars universe – but this entire subplot resulted in absolutely nothing but introducing Benicio del Toro’s character. Hmph.
Also, I would assume a casino like that would have at least some sort of security watching the doors. Who in the hell would let two dirty grubbers into a classy establishment like that? Also, BB-8 is one durable bloke – that clank when he got thrown out of the casino was crazy.
Also, screw the military industrial complex! (don’t put me on a list, please)
5. Dark Side Pit Thingy
Getting up and personal with the Dark Side is always super exciting in Star Wars. The Last Jedi was no different. The way the seaweed grew into the hole, into that hidden, dark cave: that’s perfection. This is a very different cave from Luke’s Dagobah cave though: Luke’s cave was overgrown by corrupted vines and trees, like unholy things growing in the shadows. In contrast, this cave felt much more stark, and almost clean – almost like a hospital, and very cold.
I think this scene is kind of emblematic of a new theme for the Force in the new movies: the Force, both the light and dark, don’t really provide answers: it’s just something around and within us, and it’s what we choose to do with it that matters.
6. The New Tech
After The Force Awakens, I wasn’t expecting much from these new movies – the same Death Star, the same X wings and TIE fighters, the same blasters. I love that they have upgraded versions now, like the dreadnought or the AT-AT walkers: they look much more intimidating, with a brand new reddish theme and more bulky frames. And the hyperspace tracking!
Kind of interesting that the First Order has a random siege cannon lying around, though. I guess they have to blow up the doors to a lot of fortresses in their spare time, instead of nuking shit from orbit. Or maybe it’s just bad writing, and they really want to get this stupid Finn and Rose/Ben and Rey relationship off the ground. Yuck (again).
7. Speaking of Hyperspace Tracking
Low key this movie rips off the plot of the first season of Battlestar Galactica. Tracking through hyperspace, running out of fuel, blah blah blah. Cool to see in Star Wars though.
8. Kylo Ren
I just really, really wish he would wear his goddamn mask, instead of stripping more and more clothes off every scene (looking at you, shirtless Kylo). Helmet-less Kylo just does not intimidate me – sorry, Adam Driver, but your natural voice just makes you seem like a goth kid with emotional problems. A bit like Snape, kinda. Actually, I really hope the Rey and Kylo dynamic is like the Snape-Lily relationship, because Reylo is just straight up awkward.
I do like how his character gained more depth in this movie, with all the Luke drama and the fighter scene with Leia. Also, I’m really happy that this movie finally settled an argument I had with a friend that Kylo Ren is much weaker than Darth Vader. If anything, I think this movie basically told us that Kylo/Rey are probably the most powerful Force users the galaxy has ever seen. Way to overkill my side of the argument, The Last Jedi.
As an Asian, I can’t help but feel Rose was shoehorned into this movie to satisfy diversity complaints. Her entire character is just so bland – she’s a lowly but hardworking engineer (wow, what a surprise) who somehow falls in love with our lovely hero. Just, like, ugh. Even her personality is dry as hell. And she gets into the forced love plot – I swear to god, if this is to finish off the FinnRey relationship, I’m gonna throw a fit.
Also, this is a bit of a side note, but why does every Star Wars movie involve sneaking around the Imperial base? The rebels always get out alive too (relatively) every single time, so you’d think the bad guys would step up the door guards and stuff.
10. Space Magic
The mop boy really piqued my curiosity. How many people are actually Force sensitive? What do they do in their free time? How many of those actually turn into Jedi and Sith, and how many are stuck using their Force skills to clean up horse shit? Aside from that, this entire scene was just so charmingly poetic – there’s still hope out there!
And now, to the bad stuff. I think I vaguely hinted at this before, but the Force in this movie basically turned into glorified plot magic. For example, let’s look at Luke’s Force projection thingy at the end of the movie. He doesn’t leave footsteps in the salt and doesn’t get sliced in half by Kylo’s lightsaber, but how is he able to give Leia the set of golden dice? On the topic of Leia, she somehow magically survives a minute in cold, hard vacuum and flies using her innate Force powers. Pretty iffy. And somehow, ghost Yoda is basically a god who can call down lightning from the skies – maybe he should try that on Snoke? Also, Snoke was able to build a Force connection between Kylo and Rey – why not between Kylo and Luke, or anything like that?